In the ancient past people used the word "disciplined." It is still used, but it has been replaced with the word "repressed." Disciplined leans toward holding back desires in our will power. "Repressed" makes us think we are victimized by our society into not being our authentic self. Neither feel like freedom to us.
Recently I asked some friends what they would do if they could express ever desire unhindered. No negative consequences. Just unfettered expression of every desire.
One friend thoughtfully answered, "I wouldn't do anything much differently than I do now." I believe that friend. I think she was honest. But before her answer, there was a profound silence in the room. It is a hard question to answer, I know, because we don't live in a world with no negative consequences to our actions and we hold ourselves back knowing we cannot do everything [italics] we desire.
But, what if we asked that question to a larger group? Or, maybe better yet, gave everyone in the world a "hall pass" for one day and let them be free to do what they want, any old time? (Sorry Mick and Keith) The written laws ("don't run a red light while driving") and the social manners ("don't put your face in your bowl of soup to eat it") are safe, boundary markers to keep us from acting foolishly.
What would people do? Is it fair to say that which is often done in the blinding darkness of night would be done in the exposing light of the day? Could we be confident that we would learn more about our neighbors (and ourselves) than we ever really wanted to know...see more of what is lurking in the dark places of our hearts than we are ever free now to let loose on the world?
I know that some of our desires are fickle and can change based on how well we slept or the food we ate for breakfast. That level of desire is not what I really mean. I mean heart level, unchanging, maybe-I-don't-even-recognize-what-really-motivates-me desire.
I do not think we know what real freedom looks like because we know the freedom to express all of our desires would destroy us. Chaos and confusion would overcome our sense of freedom. We find ourselves to be less than free, but in an acceptable way. We have to hold back to some degree. To be socially acceptable. To hold on to our dignity.
Freedom seems to be that we can do exactly what we want at any moment yet it would not destroy us or anyone else. Let me go one step further: what if we could express our deepest desire at any moment and all of those desires not only didn't create chaos, but actually created flourishing for ourselves and others? What if we had the kind of heart that created desires that only expressed generative love?
I know that seems unrealistic. It feels unrealistic. But, what if what seemed to be unrealistic was actually "normal" and what we live now is (if fully seen for what it is) unreal?
Is your imagination tired like mine is, yet?
But, we don't have to try to imagine that world. We don't have to try to fantasize a reality that looks free like that. We have a person who shows us what freedom looks like. Jesus is freedom embodied.
What we would have to see with our mind is an event in the past. For me it is a foreign land where people are speaking a foreign language and celebrating a foreign ceremony. A group of men are eating a meal together in a room just big enough to hold them all and remembering what God had done for them in the past. It is a joyfully and solemn feast. These men know each other well because they have been together consistently over the last few years. Maybe you could even say they had been too together over the last few years. On this occasion will be obvious that one in their group is still a mystery to them.
They look at their leader strangely as he gets up from the meal and sheds his outer garment. They slow down their talking as one by one they begin to notice that he is filling up a basin with water and taking up a towel.
This is abnormal for a leader. This is something that the most honored of their group should not have to do...and maybe he shouldn't do. They can see he is acting as a servant coming to wash their feet.
But, what they cannot see is that he is not play-acting a role. He is expressing his deep desire to serve. This is who he is, and it is startling to them. It is abnormal and, if honest, uncomfortable to them. It shakes them to see what Jesus' freedom looks like.
Jesus is not repressing his real desires in order to model an ideal for them. Jesus is not being dutifully "disciplined," holding back his true self in order to express love in this way.
No, Jesus is expressing real freedom: the freedom from self-absorbed, self-honoring, self-promoting sin and freedom to express his deepest desire, to love them in such a way that they would flourish. Finding deep joy in knowing that giving for someone else's' good is gain more than striving after selfish longings.
So, what does freedom look like?
Freedom looks like Jesus freely serving those who he loves, unhindered and unfettered by narrow-minded and self-indulgent desires. A heart free to do what he wants, any old time because what he wants is to love another.